Step 1: Get Curious
Where does this underlying emotion live in the body? What does it feel like? Is it hot or cold? Where are the edges of the emotion? Is it expanding, contracting, or pulsing? Does it have a certain color? Is it opaque or clear? Is it characterized by a lack of feeling? A numbness or frozenness?
Step 2: Turning Towards
Ask the emotion, what do you want? Does it want to express? Feel seen or heard? Does it want attention? Does it have a story to tell you? Note: The emotion will always want something from you that you can give to yourself. If you’re stuck in wanting someone else to to give you something, return to the emotional experience and focus specifically on what the emotion wants.
Step 3: Give the emotion what it wants. Start slow!
For example: If anger wants to pulsate down your arms and out your fingertips, move your body in a way that encourages this movement.
A note about anger...If anger wants to hurt something, let it! Just make sure that what it’s hurting doesn’t do any real damage. By all means, strangle that pillow or beat the heck out of that sofa.
If sadness wants to bring you to the ground with your head bowed low and your chest caved in, allow it.
Start slowly and speed up if desired.